Do Not Attend

Mayor Mamzer, please do not sully the memory of the fallen by imposing yourself where you are NOT wanted. Act like your side encouraged at the start of COVID and stay home! https://c.org/RcpKrS7FYz

Boycott the Jews

Well, not so great Britain is going to exclude goods from the so-called "occupied territories", which are the heartland of Biblical Israel. Other folks in times past directed similar sanctions on the Jewish People. They called themselves "Nazis". 

His Lead Blocker

If there is football in heaven, then Matt Suhey is opening the path for Walter Payton to score touchdowns again. The Good Lord must be seeing quite a display of Bears glory as the two great backs, but more than that, supremely generous people are reunited. 

Munich Basketball Referees

The officiating crew that worked the 1972 Olympic basketball game between the United States team and the men representing the now former Soviet Union rose from the grave to officiate the Western Michigan contest versus the home-standing colossus Wolverines last night. Western never stood a chance against the mighty squad in stripes. 

A Little Rain

My hometown of Nashville, Tennessee has been in a drought that was relieved a bit yesterday when there finally was some rain. It was not enough where we were able to break the dry spell, but it brought the temperature down from ninety-eight degrees to eighty-five. Some are still hawking "global warming" or "man-caused climate change", but I have witnessed this summer pattern here my entire life, and I am about to turn sixty (Lord willing). I believe it is just weather in a Tennessee summer, not some sky is falling new catastrophe that we must urgently address. 

To the Gun

You play till the final whistle or the blank fired to show time has run out. Both Colorado and Georgia Tech looked as if they had won with time rapidly dwindling in their televised contest. The visitors found themselves down with no timeouts and less than two minutes to play after a Tech field goal brought the host team's lead to six. Then, the Buffaloes rushed down field to score a touchdown with little time left to put themselves up by a single point. All was not lost though for Tech who followed brilliant Indiana transfer Mendoza down the field into field goal range in record time. Unfortunately for the Atlanta boys who had already blocked a field goal themselves, the mountain men had a trick up their sleeve and blocked a field goal attempt of their own to preserve the one point win. What excitement for a season-opening game, and may the rest of the year live up to this glorious beginning! 

Impose Knife Control

We must ban sharp pointy things and rocks too as they can be used to hurt folks. From now on, you will not be able to cut your meat or vegetables, so let us hope you have strong jaws and teeth, but do not dare bite anyone, or those chompers have to go as well. After all, we want to keep everybody safe.